When you ask God to draw you closer to Him sometimes it isn’t even about you. It’s about losing yourself. In the past few weeks I have come across 2 different women, two separate backgrounds, but they have two things in common:they are both mothers and both Women of Faith.
One woman, God brought into my life was told there was a very slim chance of her having a child.She is now pregnant and fighting both spiritually and physically for her unborn baby. The second woman heart is breaking daily as her son battles an addiction that may take his life. Two women...from different backgrounds who have two things in common:their faith and they are both mothers fighting for their children. Two women who I pray for daily above my own needs because they are fighting...and God simply called me so they wouldn’t have to fight alone. I am not sure of the outcome from any of this, but it’s almost like I literally feel what these women feel. The First Lady I literally feel her fear. Every time I see her my heart skips a beat as if I’m in the doctor’s office waiting on results. The second lady when she told me about her child I sat in my car and cried because my heart felt like it was breaking. I couldn’t breath. I found myself surrendering to God on her behalf I asked Abba to bring me closer to Him I thought It would just be me being obedient paying tithes because Lord knows I struggled with that , but the truth is...I’m losing even more of myself.. Pray with me luvs Xoxo, Krystale Jane’l
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Heeeeey luvs! I can’ t tell you how good it feels to back! I’ve missed blogging so much. So here is a little update since my last blog post:
My daughter’s Gap year (or whateva) made me realize that my complete emotional well being was dependent on raising her. Now that I have a couple of new little people in my life (my 20 month old and my other two children) I still have children and a husband who I have to be there for. I battled a severe depression for awhile, but after the amazing support of my family, a few counseling sessions, and. few Eat Pray Love moments I’’m back and better than ever! My oldest daughter is ok. She won’t die without me and I won’t either. My youngest daughter is already so intelligent and such a loving little creature even if she is a daddy’s girl most of the time. My husband is an amazing man. He is working so hard to put me in a better place and provide for our family. The love that we have...I never dreamed I would be blessed with this type of relationship. He is also doing some amazing things on his job. We moved into a house we were blessed with and have an option to buy, but my husband and I are still trying to decide if Arkansas is where we want to make a permanent home; So we shall see God has taken me out of my comfort zone...I hate being on camera, but now I have been presented with a profitable opportunity that requires me to be in front of a web cam everyday. I’ll share the details later, but I will say God had led me into another area I couldn’t imagine I would be in and I looove did I say Looove what I’m doing and it brings me so much joy! It it feels good to type these words again. So my luvs, Remember as always, Act in love Walk by Faith Express Without Fear xoco, Krystale Jane’l I had my first born at 16 years old. At the time, I had no clue what motherhood was, or just how grateful J would be for my own mother . At 16, I was a spoiled daddy’s girl who had no clue about the real world...but also at 16 I became a mom. I can honestly say parenting is just one of those things you pray, wing it, and do your best to create a human being that is better than you and doesn’t have to go through life being a social outcast, psychopath, or the village idiot. Let’s be honest, as a single parent our main focus is to be able to say we raised a responsible adult who has things a little more figured out than we did. Recently, some events transpired between myself and my oldest daughter that made me question my parenting, my sanity, and my relationship withGod. As with any parent, it’s hard to accept when our children seem to grow up too fast or make choices we know aren’t the best for them. In the blink of an eye, my little girl became the 18 year old that her age boldly announced through her “ I’’m Grown” actions. and my role as a parent seemed more like a Lifetime Movie. Everything I tried to shield her from was becoming her life exoeriences. So what did I do? I did what any other black mom would do...I lost it and hit her with the, “ If you can’t respect me or my house then leave.” And so she left. My 18 year old baby left. For any black mom who had a teenage daughter rebelling we automatically think about this: This scene from Imitations Of Life. Thats how I felt. My daughter would miss me when I was gone. It was at that moment I became a mother. It was also at that moment I truly understood my own mother.
As a mother it’s instilled in us to protect our young, provide for them, nurture them, and train them. It is also the job of a mother to be able to let them go experience life and still love them unconditionally despite the decisions that they make that we may not agree with. I truly understand now being a mom is the biggest blessing, mystery, and challenge. I am extremely thankful and blessed for my own mom who was always there even when I gave her hell is an understatement. I wish I could explain how my heart feels...but I can’t. My first born left the nest and it wasn’t the ideal circumstances. I felt like a piece of me had deteriorated. The first two days, I honestly felt like I was going to die...but then I prayed. I knew I had done everything I could to prepare her for the world. I knew she had a great support system that also loves her, I knew that she had never been in any harm or lashing out because of some underlying emotional issues, but I also know that God would protect her from danger but give her a testimony. The same way He had done with me. It’s hard... it is really hard for a mother. Some days I feel like a part of me is missing...like one of my hands have been cut off, but then I look at my other babies and my husband and realize there are still other people who need me and I think to myself ...I have to learn how to be ambidextrous. So I am at peace. Baby girl leave the nest and soar. I hope that when you face choices it’s like what you see on television... you have the good angel and bad angel on each shoulder, but you also hear my voice....I raised you right. So fly my beautiful baby bird. They always say that people are either a "blessing or a lesson". I guess this saying applies to husbands as well. There are two things I would tell any single woman in a rush to get married and its this:
1. Wait On God to send you your spouse. Don't try to find him he will find you. 2. God will not send you someone else's husband and he sure won't send you a man from Sugardaddyforme.com Meet my ex- husband or as I call him my "un"-husband. Jimi Lee Hill. The dark fellow in the middle with the suit on twice his size. A washed up blues singer with finger waves, shirts with pants with cuffs that match the print of the shirts, and a soultry voice that got him a record deal at the hisotric Stacks Records in Memphis T.N. at the age of 9. I'm finally able to share with my readers the sad truth about my first marriage. Yes, I admit I met him on Sugardaddyforme.com, and yes, I admit my intentions were to find financial security and reap the monetary benefits of sharing my time and company with someone, but what I wasn't expecting was to meet an eccentric pathological liar who would turn the fairy tale I pictured in my mind into a living nightmare. Jimi and I dated for a little over a year. We began a long distance relationship with him being in Georgia. He was sweet, funny, and totally different from any man I had ever dated. Not to mention, he was 20 years older than me. Despite the the opinions of my close friends and family I decided to wed Mr. Hill. So I packed up my entire life, let the job I loved, moved my daughter, and my dog to Georgia. What should have been a happy time in my life began to unfold into a tumultuous and downward spiral similiar to a Lifetime movie. Jimi became controlling and angry, we moved from location to location, and then I discovered my husband was still happily married to his wife of over 20 years in a facebook message from his granddaughter. When I thought life had ended and I was ashamed to go back home and pick up the pieces God prevailed. I realized that the vows I took before God where done because of my own selfish intentions and not because I loved Jimi, and that despite the signs and warnings from him and my closest friends and families I chose to be disobedient and marry Mr. Hill. The signs were there, but I continued to ignore them. I didn't love Jimi, but I continued to live a lie and tell people, "God told me to marry him." There I was with my little girl, dog, and almost nothing headed back home, jobless, broken, bitter, and ashamed. Here is the lesson: Just like the children of Israel, despite my disobedience God delivered me and brought me home, I got another job better than the job I left, I learned to forgive despite my bitterness and anger, and most important I learned when God has set you aside for a purpose and you go against His will; you are setting yourself up for disaster. It took some time, but I healed. The other Mrs. Hill and I became friends until Jimi discovered we remained in contact. She is still married to him...and six years later I married my husband, the husband God sent and now a new story begins.... xoxo, Krystale Jane'l I honestly thought when people said marriage makes you become a better person that was just a cliche' statement that married people say to give you hope and so you won't end in divorce. I can honestly say it is isn't.
I'm not aligning my chakras with the universe, or on a new health journey that has me reducing my sodium intake or counting my carbs (although I quite possibly should be), and I'm definitely not on a quest for truth to discover my inner Hotep. I'm already woke, but I'm definitely more aware. Knowing that i am apart of someone in a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual sense has made me want to try even harder to be the very best half of this beautiful union that I can be. Not just for my husband, but also for God. I want to be closer to God more than ever and yes, maybe a small part of it has to do with the fact that my husband and I both realize we need God in the center of our marriage to work, but it also means I need to be close to God because just like being a mother to my girls; being a wife is something i can't just read a book and ace the exam. It is a daily job that every day is a test and i have to be linked to God in order to succeed. I don't know all the answers no matter how much i read about how to be a good wife...without God I may have a marriage, but in order for it to prosper the way God intended I need Him. The Spirit led me to get up 45 minutes earlier for one one one time with God, Yoga and exercise, and scripture reading. Honestly this is something I should have been doing a long time ago, but i made excuses such as, "I have quiet time when I'm in the bed" or, "It's too hard to get up earlier when I have a one year old who still wakes up during the night for feedings." I am not a morning person, but this is something i know God has been calling me to do. So I made the decision with God's help that I will get up early and listen more closely as far as what he is requiring of me since i am asking so much from Him for me and my family. What are some of the things God maybe asking you to do that you struggle with being obedient about? XOXO, Krystale Jane'l There wasn't a dry eye in the house when my husband and I finished our vows. My husband's vows were beautiful and unrehearsed, while I chose the more traditional route and wrote mine down in a little book, but it was in the form of a poem. Everyone was crying by the time we were done. Here is a copy of my vows to the man that I love. Words will never be able to express how truly thankful and how much I love and cherish the special love we share.
Antonio Sirdell Moore, You are my true love. You are my special blessing, sent from above. You are my man, my soldier, my soulmate, my rider, You are my friend, a wonderful father, my lover, and our family’s provider. Two misunderstood rebellious souls, Whom God chose, To share a spiritual connection, I knew what love was when I stared into your eyes and saw my own reflection. Every day I promise to cherish each moment that I’m blessed to spend my life with you, And to be committed to getting God and be the definition of the Proverbs 31 wife for you. I promise to give you my loyalty, love, support, and continuously pray for God’s protection, I promise to let you lead, and I’ll stand by your side, and allow God to show you direction. I thought I knew what love was when my love life was filled with ups and downs like the numbers on my scale, I now know what love is … Our love is Ist Corinthians Chapter 13 verse 8… Our love never fails. 4/17/2018 The Final Frugal Bride Chronicles Post: How Amazon Saved My Wedding & Tips To Have Your Dream Wedding For A Fraction Of The PriceRead Now Well, I am a married woman now! My wedding was such a beautiful and amazing event! I am proud to say I was able to have my dream wedding for less than $4,000! Here are a few of my tips for any bride to be who is on a budget (or who is extremely frugal) and an exclusive look at some of my intimate wedding moments. D.I.Y. it if you can. The easiest way to save money is to make things youself. Michael's and Hobbu Lobby have great wedding sections. I purchased my bridal bouquets from Hobby Lobby. My wedding back drop was purchased offline for for a very affordable price along with my rose bushes. You can see the final product below. Always give positive vibes and they will be returned to you. I thank God for the people who were placed in my life that made my wedding possible. My dear friend and wedding planner gave me a great deal on my food, wedding decorations, and coordinating my event. Along with having a very special friend and talented wedding singer, an excellent D.J. from the radio station, and a bar tender who made the best signature drink, my wedding wouldn't have been possible without them and thankfully they saved my husband and I a couple of coins. A few pics of my decor below. it was so beautiful! Having the best bridal party ever! I could not have done it without the amazing help from my beautiful friends who were also my bridesmaids. I love those ladies and each one contributed to making my day special. Thank you Amazon! My bridesmaid dresses, beads for my altar, cake bling, accessories, flower girl dresses, and my wedding dress...yes, my wedding dress were all purchased from Amazon! I received so many compliments on my dress which cost me under $200.00 but was sooo beautiful. Thanks to Amazon, my wedding was under my budget and less than $4,000! Thanks Amazon!!! Here are a few of my favorite pictures from the wedding. These are just a few pictures from the wedding. I am now Mrs. Krystale Moore, and I can't tell you how happy I am. Thank you to everyone who made my special day a dream come true, thanks to my wonderful husband, and a special thanks to my favorite shopping website, Amazon.com!
xoxo, ,Mrs.Moore |
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