I can admit there was a time when I defined myself through others. It may have been a toxic relationship or a dependent friend. I will also admit I suffered from low self esteem and poor judgement.
It took being in an abusive situation, marrying a washed up blues singer/ bigamist, and attempting suicide before I realized I was the victim of myself. I realized that the reason my relationships failed with friends and boyfriends was because I didn't know who I was. The one thing I had to do was realize I am a child of God. There is no other more powerful being than God...so what does that make me? An awesome and divine princess of the Most High King and a wonderfully created spiritual being that is more complex than the human body that houses it or anything on this Earth plain! The minute I changed my thinking and learned more about God is the day I learned to live. When you realize who you truly are you discover the greatest type of self love. You slowly learn how to guard your heart and your spirit by not allowing certain people and things into your life. TRASH CANNOT MIX WITH TREASURES. You are a precious jewel because you are God's most valuable possession. The little things started not to bother me as much because I knew my spiritual dad would take care of it. Prayer became a necessity and reading my bible or listening to different spiritual leaders became more of a routine. My mind set changed because my thoughts were more from the spirit than the flesh. When you learn how to change how you see the world and and how you see others life becomes easier because you learn that not everything is meant to be viewed using tunnel vision, but it's meant to be looked through Divine Vision. Not only that but the impression I had on people started to change. People start to see a reflection of you that is far more beautiful and powerful than what you see in a mirror. Certain people I thought I would have in my life kept their distance while other people I never expected to be apart of my life began to add even more value to it. Does this mean I don't still have doubts, I don't mess up, I don't struggle with things? I'm not some magical saint that doesn't do anything wrong. I still get angry, I still can be disobedient and not follow God's instruction, and I'm still human, but now I'm not totally driven by my human nature. Everyday I'm alive, and I look at my beautiful kids, my handsome husband, and look at myself and I lose another piece of who I used to be and who in my distorted reality; I thought that I was. I don't live in the fear of the unkown or the guilt from my past mistakes because I know my true self, my spiritual self, and I learn more about the spirit that my flesh was designed to protect each day. It's not easy but is necessary. Every day I am passionately driven for my calling which is to write, to serve God, my family, and my husband. When you realize that....you become unstoppable and mountains become moveable. Act In Love Walk In Faith Express Without Fear xoxo, Krystale Jane'l
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